The good part of having "woman" issues

This week I saw a 2.6 decrease in my weight. That is great news. I definitely had some better days this week which helped, but also it was the last day of my period and I lost all the water weight the my body was holding on to the week before before. I want to be optimistic and say that I could continue that rate of 2 lbs a week, but the realistic side is saying any weight loss (even .2) is better than no weight loss and I should be thankful for every little bit.

Waves...

It seems that eating events come in waves. If I have one night that I know I will spend a good deal of my weekly points on, there seems to ALWAYS be at least one more. This last week 5 out of 7 days I had a week wrecking meal. Ugh! Considering everything, I only gained 1.2. I basically gained back what I lost the two weeks previous.

I talked to my doc several months ago and he said that if I just feel stuck he has a program that can help kick start things and maybe help me reach my goal a little easier. I'm conflicted about it. He says the program helps you learn to exercise regularly and eat better plus there are shots of B vitamins and other stuff. I want the weight to come off long term and want to be able to sustain it by myself once I'm where I need to be.

I guess I just want to prove that I can do it without the aid of any type of supplement. Am I crazy or should I try it?

Keeping on plan

This past week I saw a 3.4 lbs. drop in my weight. I kept within my points allotment and hit the healthy checks almost every day. I knew that I would be down. It is wonderful that I got there, but I need to remember to keep on plan again this week and keep going because it does work. I am anxious to start fitting into my old clothes and hope that I can hit my goal at some point.

Not starting over, but continuing on

I finally made it back to my weight watchers meeting. Initially, I had a time conflict because of my baby (the meeting time that I went to was dissolved and the other one was SO packed I felt uncomfortable trying to nurse while the meeting was going on as opposed to the other meeting that was more intimate), but then it became a weight issue and I didn't want to be embarrassed (self inflicted) because of the gains I had, then summer happened and I just didn't want to bring my zoo of children to a meeting just to be frustrated by the end. I could keep naming exuces, but I'll spare you any more. I was up 4 lbs. Not a good thing, but after three months off it could have been MUCH worse. I did good yesterday with sticking to the healthy checks. I even ate more veggies than fruit and anyone that knows me knows that I am a fruit fanatic. I am trying to save fruit for when those "I gotta have sweets" attacks happen I have something that will satisfy it more easily without going off plan. I am also trying my activity monitor around my neck, like a pendant on a chain. I seem to have to work harder to get points, but I'm good with that.

In the mean time, no weight measurements until Thursday. I am hoping that refraining from getting on the scale will keep me focused on this week's goal.

Let's get this over with.

I don't know about everyone else, but it seems that events that involve eating always come in groups. I could handle one but these are usually things out of my control. This week end, for instance, we had a festival in our little town with lots and lots of fair food (this is my only time to try some of the new concoctions by some of these places). Then the next morning was a meeting where breakfast was provided. Last night was a celebration I was hosting at 8 pm with lots of snacky foods. And this afternoon we have a get together at church and I'm not sure if food will be there.

I could be callous and once I have done my one indulgence for the week be done with it, but often these special occasions only come up every once in a while and are all together. I need to work on my self-control and make better initial choices. I did that at the festival. It was the leftover food from the kids that I wanted to try. I could have brought my own breakfast and refused the breakfast at the meeting, but I am a social eater and thought it would be better just to eat there instead of eating then feeling pressure to eat again there. Last night was just a bust. I was constantly snacking as things were getting ready. On the bright side I did eat a lot of veggies.

I'm ready for this wave to be over.

Comments others make

Emotional eating is bad and like I have mentioned before I'm bad about doing it...especially when I am experiencing extremes. I remember growing up and having family members call or write and the thing they would ask about after the usual "How are you doing?" was about my weight loss or lack thereof. I doubt it was intentional and came from a concern for my health, but it would always spiral me into a depression. No teenage girl needs to constantly be reminded that she isn't measuring up. I had enough pressure coming from my mom and peers at school. I never heard family call mom and immediately ask how giving up cigarettes was going.

There is a story I would like to share, because, well, it still haunts me to this day. The pressure that I was under as a kid and living with the consequences of everyone's disapproval, but had no control over the circumstances.

My parents divorced when I was VERY young. Once my dad moved out of state I could count on one hand how often he visited. On one particular visit he was hanging around the house and went out back to lounge. I wanted to be close to him and talk (like any kid would). He proceeded to light a joint. I was a kid and although I knew what he was doing was wrong, ignored it and stayed outside. (He wasn't so bad to offer any to me...so you can calm down). I smelled the marijuana smoke and began to get hungry. I did what any other person would do and snacked...a lot appearently. I didn't know being around that would cause "the munchies" but it did. When he got to my grandma's house, he told her about how all I did was eat when he was there. After his visit she called my mom and said I needed to get some control. I was devastated. I couldn't tell anyone about his smoking weed around me or I might never see him again. I was heartbroken when I found out he didn't bother to see me when he was in the area one time later on. It felt like I couldn't do anything right.

I learned how to control myself a little more in college when I was able to distance myself from family that unintentionally sabotage any success I may have had. Now I have children that say things every once in a while about my weight and I try to let it slide off my back and that is much easier to accept than when an adult mentions something. Kids don't know any better, adults do.

Eating when I'm not hungry

I know a lot of people do this and I am supremely guilty of it lately. I have a baby that is 9 months who demands quite a bit and my 4 and 8 year olds don't know how to function unless they are at each other's throats. Some days I just want to dump them on the side of the road because it is so bad or enroll both of them in an octagon fight. Anyhow, it all makes for a very stressed out mommy. My oldest is a dream right now. He does all he can to help out and I am thankful for that.

I have gone to food a lot lately to fill a void. I am doing the whole "I'll start when things slow down" thing. But really I am a mom of 4. Will things really slow down any time soon? Here's to a little less stress and getting things together so I can have no more excuses.

Liar, liar, pants on fire

I have been pregnant and given birth to four children. I have nursed all of them and everyone insisted that the weight would melt off. I thought that maybe I was doing something wrong with the first three, but with this last one I did weight watchers 2 weeks postpartum. Yeah...I just don't lose while I am nursing.

Working on the inside

Houses are a lot of work and if you have an old one there is quite a bit to do. It is easy to look at the outside and say, "Yeah, it looks fine." But if you let the stuff (termites and water, for instance) continue to do damage the house, it will begin to fall apart. I feel like that is where my body is right now.

All my life I have had to deal with a lot of emotional baggage. Without delving in to it, let me just say, there are things no child should have to endure. A child should be a child and not deal with adult issues until they are mature enough. I think these pressures and unneeded responsibilities did not help me to take care of me but to take care of those around me and put myself absolutely last because I did not feel worthy enough. The only time I felt of worth was when I got some special achievement they considered great and then would take credit for my achievements and belittle the others they didn't think we're important. It was some of those smaller ones that I got the greatest feeling of accomplishment from and had no one to share my joy with.

In the past couple of years, I have had to cut ties with people in my life that have caused a lot of baggage. It has felt good to not have to walk on egg shells when talking or being around them, but now I feel that the guilt of it all has come to a head. I either have to accept these people back into my life or permanently remove them. My husband says I should send a letter of apology and leave it at that so that my conscience is clear. I don't know if the guilt or animosity will go away, but I only hope that I can get past this and be able to continue on my weight loss journey.

Back story (abbreviated)

To sum it up, I have only been at a "healthy" weight only twice in my adult life. I have never gotten to the weight that is recommended for my height. I have gotten close (10-15 lbs away), but the weight I did get to I was very comfortable with. Before my last pregnancy, I was very satisfied with where I was and thought, "Hey, I've got this. There is no way I will gain it all back with another baby." We'll, I did. I am now back to 220 with my clothes on...we all know that everyone weighs both with and without. It you haven't done it...well, I don't believe you.

Before my last child, I did weight watchers and it worked really well for me. My success then pushed me to start it two week postpartum. I immediately lost about 8 lbs. Then the holidays happened. Since then, I have fluctuated between 215-218. I'm trying to get over this hump.