Houses are a lot of work and if you have an old one there is quite a bit to do. It is easy to look at the outside and say, "Yeah, it looks fine." But if you let the stuff (termites and water, for instance) continue to do damage the house, it will begin to fall apart. I feel like that is where my body is right now.
All my life I have had to deal with a lot of emotional baggage. Without delving in to it, let me just say, there are things no child should have to endure. A child should be a child and not deal with adult issues until they are mature enough. I think these pressures and unneeded responsibilities did not help me to take care of me but to take care of those around me and put myself absolutely last because I did not feel worthy enough. The only time I felt of worth was when I got some special achievement they considered great and then would take credit for my achievements and belittle the others they didn't think we're important. It was some of those smaller ones that I got the greatest feeling of accomplishment from and had no one to share my joy with.
In the past couple of years, I have had to cut ties with people in my life that have caused a lot of baggage. It has felt good to not have to walk on egg shells when talking or being around them, but now I feel that the guilt of it all has come to a head. I either have to accept these people back into my life or permanently remove them. My husband says I should send a letter of apology and leave it at that so that my conscience is clear. I don't know if the guilt or animosity will go away, but I only hope that I can get past this and be able to continue on my weight loss journey.
